hey. I miss you. You. My best friend. I miss everything. You were the most important person in my life. If anyone has ever had a best friend like this, then you know the feeling. Losing a best friend destroys you. Completely changes you. Shatters you. But you aren’t you anymore. And I am not me. We are strangers. It’s terrible. I remembered something today that made me feel like I had a brick on my chest. It was hard to breathe. I wonder if you think about this. How do you forget your best friend, the one you literally told everything to. Who’s the new me? I don’t have a new you. You don’t replace a best friend. You can move on to new friends and find new, boyfriends/girlfriends but you don’t replace a best friend. Or so I thought. do you wonder if I’m ok? Did you know what happened to me last month? Probably not. Quite frankly even if you did know, you aren’t you anymore. That you is dead. So that you isn’t even here to care anymore. This sucks. And you have no idea about any of it.

Hey guys. I’ve been busy. Very busy. Truth is I’m not living the same life I was a couple months ago. I have so much to write down and so much to tell you all. I just don’t know where to start. So I will just write it all down in a nice messy screwed up order; kind of like the life I’m living. First off, I’ve got a new job!!!! I am an administrative assistant at CBI Health Centre. I LOVE it. For the most part that is. A couple months ago it hit me that I needed to grow up and start working my ass off because nothing in life comes easy. As you guys know or maybe you don’t, I am 20 years old. I have very extreme goals for myself and I have decided to start reaching them. We’ll save that whole subject for another post. SECONDLY, I have a boyfriend. Say whaaaat. He’s not new to my life as I have known him for a couple years. He’s a light in my life. Someone who makes bad days less bad. Someone who makes dark times feel less dark. But don’t be fooled, relationships are hard work. Thirdly, I experienced something I never thought I’d have to. If you watch my YouTube channel then you’d know I had surgery. And thank god I did because I may not be here for long if I didn’t. Again, I’ll explain more in another post. Basically I’m laying in bed, it’s Sunday morning, my boyfriend is asleep and I’m full of thoughts. Best place to put them is on my blog ( in my opinion ). Now that you’re back on track with me, check in for updates. Because this blog is about to get raw and real with no exceptions.


The girl who just doesn’t know.

Should have known. Would have left. Could have saved myself.


Life. This heart wrenching bullshit. But yet we keep choosing to go on and on. Make the same dumb decisions, or maybe we change to make a better decision, truth is it doesn’t matter. You could do everything right and still suffer through everything bad. So you look back. I ‘ could ‘ have done this. I ‘ would ‘ have done that. But TRUTH be told. You wouldn’t have. So here’s to living in this fucked up world.