You purposely looked for ways to tear me down. The words you used.. the painful sickening words. I can still hear them. You yelling, slamming the doors. It’s all I can hear. That last phone call. The threats. No one and I mean NO ONE, deserves that. But truth be told, you didn’t give one shit about how you made me feel. As soon as I had the courage to leave you, you admitted how wrong you were. How horrible you were. Tried guilting me back to you. Good thing I didn’t fall for it. I mean, I almost did but look where I am and look where you are. You begged me not to leave. Crying at my feet, literally. Months later of course I love you. You don’t put up with a monster without love. But I see right through the games. You calling me on blocked numbers even when having a girlfriend. Trying to make me seem like the bad guy. What’s up with that? Can’t admit you’re wrong. Ever. I’ve held onto the you I knew but that you is gone. That ‘ you ‘ is dead. He died. The one I knew is nowhere to be found. I miss you but not in the way you think. I just miss the good memories. But then the bad ones haunt me and I remember how miserable you made me. I think of the note I wrote you, ( that you told me you kept ) does she know? point being, I said ” we became strangers in love ”. That could not be more true. We were toxic. You told me you’d never leave and you never did. You never would have. You loved me. But you also hated me. But being loved by someone who hates seeing you happy. That’s not love. I wish I knew what it was. But I don’t. Up until about two weeks ago, you said maybe we’ll find our way back to each other and then you’d say goodbye, id say “ I love you still “ then you’d tell me how you can’t say it but I know. Guess I can’t blame you for being the bad guy. Because all those maybes, and I miss you’s and I loves you’s we’re going on well you were with another girl but thats between you two. You may read this. Your fist with clench, you’ll send me a message stating how much of a “ cunt, bitch, liar or asshole” I am. Might even threaten my life again. But then I’ll remember I won’t ever let someone put me down the way you did. I’ll never let someone make me feel like less than I am. I will NEVER let someone flat out fucking LIE because they are too scared to admit their own faults. So dear B, a big fuck you. I’m not worthless. I am strong and I saw the real you. I will sieze to pretend you don’t exist. Because I’m sick of hearing the yelling in my head. I want to be loved without the hate. Cause your love was cancled
out by the hate. You have no power over me, and it kills you. But guess what? It shouldn’t effect you. This post shouldn’t effect you. You shouldn’t even be reading it. You shouldn’t be sneaking peaks of my social media. Just leave. Leave me alone. I’m ok. I’m good. Most days. Some days I’m not. But that’s also ok. I don’t think I hate you. But I sure as hell don’t love you.